OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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