is your mom at the bar?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
