i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
