dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
