Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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