One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
