My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
