There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
