I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
