Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
