I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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