Where is the hickey?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
