i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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