how can u be prego again
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
