the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
