Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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