SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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