hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
