i already hear my dad disowning me
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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