I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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