if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
