i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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