The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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