i was born a porn star she said
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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