Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
it was like eating out sand paper
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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