It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
