you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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