just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
