I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
