I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
