worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
