U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
