Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
