I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
