Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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