I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
