Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize