he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
