Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
