I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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