A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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