Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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