I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
