I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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