if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
