Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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