i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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