I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
