Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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