Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she peed on how many people?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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